becoming a private preceptor
Men and women who have asked for ordination into the Triratna Buddhist Order are free to ask any member of the order to conduct their private ordination ceremony.
The public preceptors will normally expect any one who acts as a private preceptor to have been ordained for at least ten years, and will also be looking for a number of qualities in them (see below).
Becoming a preceptor is a step that not all order members may want to take. It means being in close contact over a number of years, both before and after ordination, with the person one ordains and involves giving time and thought to the whole nature of being someone's preceptor. It also means making time to attend training retreats, possibly ordination training/GFR retreats with the person you hope to ordain, and of course the ordination retreat or period itself.
what to do
The first thing to do in becoming a private preceptor is to wait until you're actually asked by someone. This is likely to happen at some point if you are engaged creatively in kalyanamitra relationships with people who wish to join our order.
Once you've been asked, the public preceptors would like you to talk it through with your chapter, your KMs and with your own preceptor before making a decision whether to enter into a consultation process or not. It's important to have carefully considered the implications and to have discussed it openly with those who know you and possibly the person you may ordain.
the consultation process
The consultation process is a means through which the public preceptors consult other order members about the appropriateness of someone becoming a private preceptor, particularly in relation to the person who will be ordained. Entering into this means being willing to take an honest look at one's own spiritual practice and Going for Refuge, and being open to others' observations. It also means trying to resolve any disharmony you may be in with other order members.
Having consulted the order, the final decision about whether someone acts as a private preceptor or not lies with the public preceptors.
Once you've talked to your chapter, your KMs and your own preceptor, and decided to enter into a consultation with the order, you need to find a public preceptor from the college who will act as your 'correspondent'. He or she will write, with you, to a group of order members who know you well, asking for their thoughts (see below). They will also consult the wider order through shabda. You can approach any public preceptor of your gender to be your correspondent.
Together with the correspondent you need to draw up a list of some 12-15 people, order members or mitras, who know you well and then write to them directly asking for their thoughts. You should include a letter from your correspondent spelling out the details of the consultation. An example of such a letter is below. The people you approach should then respond directly to you, with copies to the public preceptor. If any help is needed in clarifying things or resolving disharmony your correspondent will help.
The correspondent will also ask another order member, who is not part of the preceptor' college, to help us in our final decision. This order member acts as a kind of outside adjudicator and will have no direct interest in whether you become a private preceptor or not.
Once the correspondent is happy that order members have had sufficient chance to make comments, and any issues have been sufficiently resolved, he or she will talk to their public preceptors' kula and together the kula will make a final decision on behalf of the whole college.
information for shabda
Public preceptors should send information about consultations to shabda with the following subject line: "+N Proposed PRIVATE Preceptor". It should include the name of the proposed private preceptor, the name of the correspondent and the deadline for sending comments.
example letters
1. from potential private preceptor:
Dear ...,
I have been asked by ……….. from ……….. to consider being his private preceptor. After some initial discussions in my chapter I am now entering on the path of consultation. As well as a general invitation for comment which will appear in Shabda soon, I'm writing to you personally as one of a small group of people to ask if you might be able to comment a bit more fully.
I am also writing to [list those you’re writing to]. [name of correspondent] has agreed to be my correspondent in this process and you'll find a letter from him below. Please write to me at [email]and send a copy to [correspondent] at [email] .
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope you can find time to respond and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Metta,
[possible private preceptor]
2. from correspondent:
Dear ..........,
[name of potential preceptor] has been asked by ………… from …………… to be his private preceptor.
Before we recommend someone to the Preceptors’ College as a private preceptor, we want to hear what others who know him or her have to say. Each proposed private preceptor is asked to write to those Order Members, Mitras and Friends who know them well, with whom they may have a connection or maybe even have difficulties. In addition the proposal is announced in Shabda, to allow other Order Members to comment.
My role is to act as 'correspondent' in the discussions around such a request, and which enable the College of Public Preceptors to decide whether or not to appoint someone as a new private preceptor. We want to ensure that, when private preceptors are appointed, they have as wide a basis of agreement and support as possible within the Order and beyond. In doing so, we hope that the process of consultation is fruitful for everyone involved. With [potential preceptor]’s involvement and consent, my job is to collate comments about his readiness to become a private preceptor, and to support other Order members who wish to comment on the proposal in whatever way I can.
So that these comments can be most helpful to the Public Preceptors, we’ve set out some questions below, which we find useful to consider in appointing a new private preceptor. As you can see, we are not looking for a simple ‘yes or no’ answer; and we are keen to hear about both strengths and difficulties.
If you know [potential preceptor] and have an opinion on [his/her] suitability to take on the responsibility of private preceptor, we would value your comments. We ask anyone who wishes to do so to write directly to [potenial preceptor] so that [he/she] can follow up any issues that arise. Please also send a copy to me.
As we want the process to be as effective as possible, [potential preceptor] and I suggest that if for any reason you do not feel able to write directly to [him/her], you could write to me. I am willing to raise issues with [him/her] (on your behalf, or anonymously); or, if there are issues that are particularly sensitive, to hear them in confidence. I am also happy to help talk issues through to a resolution, should that be helpful.
[potential preceptor] and I ask that you write as fully as you can, reflecting where appropriate on the points below.
In the Dharma,
[correspondent]
some considerations
The following points are ones that Public Preceptors consider when reflecting on someone’s readiness to take on the role of private preceptor. You may like to use them as guidelines in forming your response.
a
Have you seen the person working effectively as a kalyana mitra?
How have they worked with the complexities of kalyana mitra relationships and with people’s projections? Are you aware of anything problematic in their relation to those less experienced that might have a bearing on a relationship with someone they might ordain?
b
Have they shown an understanding of their own character and personal conditioning?
In what ways?
c
How have they shown skill in communication?
Have you experienced an openness to criticism and comment?
d
Do you have a sense of a strong and deep spiritual practice, especially meditation practice?
Have you noticed anything in their spiritual life, their practice, or their views, that might lessen their ability to act as a preceptor? How have you seen their experience of the dharma showing in their lives?
e
Have you noticed their ethical practice to be consistently skillful? How have you seen this expressed by them ?
If you are aware of serious ethical breaches from the past, have you seen them do what they can to clear them up? Are you aware of unresolved issues?
f
Do you have a sense that they are in harmony with the spirit of the Order? Are there specific instances which bear this out? How are they active in the life of the Order? Have you seen or heard of any serious difficulties with other order members, especially other preceptors? Have they done what they can to resolve those?
g
Are you aware of them working with other public and private preceptors to support the unity of the order and common standards of ordination?
h
Are you aware of anyone else who we should talk to who might have an objection, for example a Mitra, a Friend, even an ex-Mitra or Friend?
some suggestions for giving feedback
As we’d like to make the process of consultation as helpful and constructive as possible, here are some suggestions that arose in our discussion of previous consultations. You might find them useful as a basis for dialogue with the person to whom you’re giving feedback.
i. Recognise that feedback is an interaction between two people. It is not an objective description of the other person; it involves our own perceptions, our feelings and our values.
Put yourself in the other person’s position.
ii. As far as possible give observations, not interpretations.
What did you notice? When? Be specific rather than general.
iii. Make your own feelings conscious.
Be aware of your feelings in relation to the things you’ve observed.
A disturbed feeling points to something of importance to you that hasn’t been addressed.
iv. Make your values conscious.
What is of importance to you in this?
v. Make your intentions conscious.
Bear in mind what you're trying to do: perhaps to benefit the person you're giving feedback to, or to support the harmony of the order? Is there something specific you’d like to ask the person to do to address your concerns?