km ceremonies
Kalyanamitrata, 'friendship with the beautiful' or 'spiritual friendship' was thought by the Buddha himself to constitute the whole of the spiritual life. We certainly place great value on it within the Western Buddhist Order and the public preceptors on the whole encourage those who are in the ordination process, or within the order itself, to develop such friendhsips. They are, after all, a source of joy, support and inspiration as well as a context for change.
When formalising kalyanamitra relations Order members are free to make whatever arrangements they like. However, some will probably want to choose Kalyana Mitras and have a ceremony according to a known and common procedure, which is outlined below.
KM ceremonies for mitras or those who have asked for ordination should follow this same procedure.
Kalyana Mitra Ceremonies can be conducted by any private preceptor. Please consult a public preceptor if you have any questions or concerns, or need any help.
kalyana mitrata between order members
- Any Order member of 3 years standing where the other Kalyana Mitra is of 5 years standing can be a Kalyana Mitra.
- The Order member wanting Kalyana Mitras asks two such people, and all three discuss the proposal with their respective chapters.
- The Order member wanting Kalyana Mitras approaches a private preceptor and asks him or her to conduct the ceremony.
- The potential celebrant checks that it is appropriate to conduct the ceremony, especially ensuring that there has been a full discussion in the chapters of both of the prospective KMs and of the Order member who is to have KMs. The celebrant should feel confident that any concerns have been satisfactorily resolved before conducting the ceremony.
- The ceremony is carried out in the 'traditional way' in whatever context seems appropriate and with whatever additions are wanted.
the ceremony
- The celebrant can either lay out a red thread before the ceremony, from the Buddha on the shrine and ready to be taken up by all four participants, or this can be done during the actual ceremony.
- The Order member usually sits between their two prospective Kalyana Mitras.
- The Order member taking Kalyana Mitras makes the three traditional offerings, taking them from the celebrant.
- The celebrant gives a short inspirational talk on the theme of Kalyana Mitrata.
- If the red thread can be passed, if it is not already laid out, and held by all four participants.
- The celebrant leads the chanting of the Refuges and Precepts.
- The Order Member taking Kalyana Mitras ties a portion of the thread around the wrist of each Kalyana Mitra (right wrist for women, left for men). The two Kalyana Mitras together tie the thread around the appropriate wrist of the Order member taking Kalyana Mitras.
- The celebrant chants the Pali blessings (from the Puja Book) and all shout 'Sadhu' three times.
kalyana mitras for mitras
The College recommend that there is a formal procedure for Mitras, in order to safeguard their interests. The procedure is as mentioned above for Order Members, although obviously only the prospective Kalyana Mitras consult their chapters. The ceremony is also as described.
criteria for kalyana mitras
These can be used as a basis for discussion in chapters.
Kalyana Mitras should:
- Be relatively senior and experienced (at least 3 years if the other is of five years standing).
- Be in good contact with Bhante and/or their preceptors.
- Be without difficulties or reservations with the Order and FWBO.
- Be in good communication with members of the relevant ordination team (in the case of mitras who have asked for ordination).
- Have proven abilities as a Kalyana Mitra, whether formal or informal.
- Have good Dharma knowledge.
- Have a consistent (and effective) meditation practice.
- Have adequate opportunity to spend time with the particular mitra (or Order member) concerned.